"It was quite an experience."

"Hello

I've just spent the last hour? (I lost track of time) on the path. It was quite an experience. I have had clinical depression for about 10 years now, but with many other earlier periods, which I realised later were bouts of depression. What (I'll call it the LP) the LP has given me is a much better understanding of the totality of depression. It has opened my eyes to the role of medication, which I have already rejected personally. My reasoning for getting off Prozac, however, was that it may have stopped the spirals down, but didn't result in stopping the automatic drift to self absorption and that habit of rumination at the end of the day, after any kind of interpersonal worry. (Did I upset him? Why am I so boring/unfunny? Does she really like me or is it pity? etc etc). So often my answer has been to drink, so that sleep is instant. Then the morning after....
I looked for something on the net and tried your site, as I had a big nasty bite from the "Black Dog" at the weekend, the worst for months, and only this morning made an appointment to see my GP to talk about therapy, which I have never had. I feel so much more confident now about what to ask for, after the last bit of the LP.

I could write a very long mail to you right now, but I will only keep you a little longer, by mentioning a section in the LP, which actually made me gasp, walk around the room, and then just smile with recognition. "All or Nothing". Only a few months ago I used those words to describe myself when ending what was developing into a really good loving relationship, but obviously not good enough for my black and white brain. I did not connect it with depression, assuming it was just "me". What a revelation! And I love the ship in the storm analogy, too.

Thank you. I don't know many people who say/admit they have depression. I've been very public with it, and people have been sympathetic, but now it's time to address it myself. This has been an uplifting evening!"